top 10 things i hate about the gym...

One of my New Year's resolutions was to add more Top 10 lists to my non-blog of little consequence, because there simply are not enough Top 10 lists in the world.
Expect to see many more Top 10 lists here, including my Top 10 list of the best Top 10 lists and Top 10 reasons why cheese is a jerk.

But for today, it's my Top 10 reasons why I hate the gym. A lot of this is going to be ground I've covered before, and probably in a more funnier way, but I've been sick and not sleeping well and I'm basically just treading water.
Why am I bothering to tread water by posting something almost wholly for the sake of just posting something when I've already announced that I would not be posting as much any more? Good question. Look for the answer in the upcoming Top 10 reasons why I contradict myself constantly.
Also, I need to state that I feel okay about re-covering some of this ground as the massive influx of newbies has exacerbated the issues.

These are not in any kind of order because I couldn't think at that complex a level.

Number 10- People talk. You can read that either as "people-talk" meaning the stupid talking of people and the stupid things they say when I hear them, or, "people talk", meaning that people have a tendency to want to talk. To me, sometimes. Which I hate.
I go to the gym alone for a reason. I just want to get it over with. The last thing I want to do is spread out the time by chatting with you over the bubbler.
The other day a lady commented on how clever I was for hanging my coat and hat on the water container holder on the PreCor machine and how she wished she had thought of that because usually she just throws her stuff on the floor and sometimes dust gets on it.
See how boring all that was? How much do you care about what you just read?
After she said it, she looked at me all expectantly like I was going to be able to come up with some answer to her salve of mediocrity. All I could come up with, as I have almost no ability to small-talk is "Heh, heh. Yeah.", followed by what I am sure was a face of uncomfortablenesse.
She spoke no more.

Number 9- Stinky guys. Women tend to smell nice at the gym. I don't know why this is. Men, however, can sure not. I know I posted about the guy who smelled like Old Spice, body odor and fish. He was bad. Other guys have smelled other ways that are also bad. No need to draw pictures, I don't think.

Number 8- People who want to "work in". Worse than a person who just wants to talk, but not as bad as a person who just wants a hug. No, you cannot get on my machine while I am between sets. Find something else to do.

Number 7- Guys who flex in mirrors. Some guys will do a quick flex into a mirror to check the progress of some body part or other. That isn't good, but I can keep my chow down. There are other guys who go into the aerobics room when there isn't a class, take off their shirts, and flex to themselves.
Don't do that.

Number 6- Guys who chat it up with each other while looking around and smiling. Stop smiling. No one wants to see you smirk to yourself or your stupid friends. Smirking jerkass. Be miserable like everyone else.

Number 5- Guys who spit into the water fountain. I shouldn't have to say that, really.

Number 4- People who jump on the PreCor machine before I've had a chance to clean it off. Really? Do you want to fondle my sweat? Be my guest, you knob. I hope you get the same stupid cold I have or finger warts.

Number 3- The people who work at the gym who have conversations with other people while I am standing there like a dork just wanting to pay for my stupid Muscle Milk and go home. Do I need to wave fistfuls of cash? Please. Please take my money! Take-y my money-y!!

Number 2- I don't really care about this as I do not take aerobics class, but I've seen it happen and am amazed. People will walk through the center of an ongoing class, to get to some piece of equipment they just absolutely need, pick it up, turn around and lug it back through the center of the class that is going on around them. This is similar to the "work in" entry.
Is there nothing else you could do during that time? Are you on such a stringent regimen that you cannot veer from it at all? It would be different if these were super buff people I was talking about. Then I could at least say, well, hey, look at the guy. He must know what he's doing. If he thinks he needs that exercise bouncy ball humpty-hump looking thing right now, he must. But when its the progeny of the Pillsbury Doughboy and James Gandolfini... I question the need.

Number 1- This one is in order. This is the number one thing. I hate this above all other things at the gym and it really gets worse with the newbies who do not have a clear understanding of how to exercise, what exercise is for, or their own limits.
Don't drop your goddamn weight from shoulder height onto the floor when you are done with a set.
If you can't, in a controlled fashion, put the weight down when you are done with the set, you are attempting to lift too much.
No one is impressed with the sound it makes when you cannot out the weight down in a controlled fashion.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I wish you would get testicular Necrotizing Fasciitis.