more "comedy"...

I figured out how to compromise to tell you more about what I wrote and yet not break the no-bad-language clause in my contract with myself.
The below will be neither as vulgar or as funny, due to the compromise, so we lose in all aspects.

The next bit is satirical. It is probably best enjoyed by those who have experienced open mic comedy. If you have, you'll get it, I guess. If you have not... just remember it's satire, all right?
The below has been re-worded, but I think you'll get the point. I will () if I am speaking to you directly.
Here we go... Comedy starts now!

I like to try on different acts.
I'm going to try on another act now. I like this act.
So, I was having intercourse with this woman in the position which is like that of two canines, the other evening, when I decided I would attempt to enter her exit. She didn't like it, so I said, "Hey. It's like 2007. Get with the program, will you Mother?"
I love that bit.
This one, too.
So I was having intercourse with this young lady the other evening, and her nether-regions were so large, it was like dropping a ball point pen into the center of The Pentagon.
No?
It was like pushing a skate board into the Lincoln Tunnel.
No?
It was like throwing a tube of ChapStick into a boxcar.
No?
It was like swinging a softball bat around inside an airplane hangar.
No?
It was like a charm flavored quark penetrating the accretion disk of a white dwarf.

Perhaps its just that I have a Tic-Tac for a man part.

Like my man here. Sir, you have a sad expression on your face which clearly states that you as well have a Tic-Tac for a man part. Stand up and take a bow, will you? You should be able to bow really well with no real man part to get in the way.
You should be able to fold up like an easel.
Like a chaise lounge after a long day at the beach.
Like snapping shut a flip phone after the conversation with your Mom about how when she was giving me oral pleasure, she snarfed... (something only a man makes) out of her nose. Just like milk out of your nose at recess. Because I make a lot of (something only a man makes) and I am soooooo funny.
Have you ever shot (something only a man makes) out of your nose while giving oral pleasure? It smarts. There are membranes and stuff in there.

Here ends the "comedy". All of this, I think, is funnier with the gross language. At least it becomes what it is supposed to be. Or something.

The rest of what I wrote is just a mess. I can barely read it. I'm saying something about using the c-word against a woman in an argument and how that is pulling the biggest gun we as men have. I suggest you don't use that word unless you are in a relationship, but not really IN to the relationship anymore.
I make a comparison to the way I was watching Lost at the time. It was a habit, I wasn't really into it, but it was Wednesday night and I had nothing better to do, so...
I said if I was in a relationship with Lost, I would call it the c-word in an argument, because I wouldn't really care if it broke up with me.

And there is some other stuff I can't really read and what I can read of it is too embarrassing for even me to share.

I hope you enjoyed raving comedy writings.