buying a gun...

The scene I am in for scene study class requires Sally Jessy Raphael to shoot me. I have been tasked with finding a suitable gun for her to shoot me with. Unless we find a prop-munitions guy, we're going to need a toy gun that goes, "Bang!", when you pull the trigger.
I figured this would not be hard to find. You used to be able to buy them all over the place. As I am kind of an adult and don't shop for toys for myself anymore, and as I have a 10 year old daughter, and have not had to shop for toys for boys, I totally missed the fact that they apparently don't sell guns like that anymore.
I looked.
I went to:

World's Biggest Toystore, right?
Let's see what they had.

They had a lot of this kind of thing:

and:

These "guns" made all kinds of whooshing and zapping sounds, and ping-ping and warble-warble-zaaaa! But none of them went, "Bang!" They didn't look like real guns anyway. They looked like something an Asian actor in 1974 might throw at Mothra when he realized he was out of ammunition.

Then I found this interesting item:


Oooh. That had Soldier right there in the title. Here are the contents of this playset:


The details:


What's missing? A gun. No gun. What's a soldier without a gun? An ELECTRONIC soldier is what.
Some interesting things in here though. An "interactive" belt. I dare you to make a belt that is not "interactive". I dare you. Go on.
You also have yourself a medal. I guess you could get a medal for telling on the enemy with your walkie talkie.
And, you have dog tags. These will come in handy when you have to be identified after you're killed for bringing a whistle to a gun fight.
This is a totally unrealistic collection of items for a soldier to be carrying and still be considering himself a soldier. Totally unrealistic. Now, if they had included the gun, but NEGLECTED the body armor, THAT would be realistic.
And that is about the limit of how political it should get around here. I hope you enjoyed that.
Moving on...

It was clear I was not going to find what I was looking for, so I moved on to:

Sorry the picture is so blurry. A pig was chasing me through the parking lot while I took it.
Have you ever seen the people who shop here? There's no way PC society has deemed them too precious to have access to toy guns that go, "Bang!", right?

Here's what we find.

A whole lot of this. BRATZ have to be worse for society than toy guns. They have to be.
I find no toy guns.

I keep looking around and find:


and:


and:

I guess no one is concerned about kids shooting their eyes out.

I have to be honest and cop to the fact that I was looking for the section of the store where they sold actual guns. I was going to be all on a soap box about the hypocrisy of them selling real, shoot a real guy, guns, but no toy guns that go, "Bang!" Damn it. There is no such section here. I guess you need to drive past South of the Border for that.
Oh well.

I go back to the toy section to see if I missed anything, when I discover some weirdness.
Take a look at this:

A SpiderMan 3 themed BRATZ doll.

Then I find this:

A SpiderMan themed Operation game!?! That's odd.
This box is confusing. Is Doc Oc working on Spidey? Are you playing Doctor Octopus? If you are, doesn't that skew the desired outcome of the game?

But it's nothing compared to the oddest thing I saw during this little shopping trip:


Can you read what this is? A SpiderMan 3 themed Bug Habitat. What? I mean, really. What? Why would you...? Who thought this was...? What?

You have separate entrances to the habitat, for the:


And for the:


Who is making the determination on which bug is what type? Is there another whole playset where you raise some bugs under stressful circumstances until they turn to a life of crime? If there is, I couldn't find it.

Eventually, I stumble across this hidden section of the WalMart:

It's got caps for six-shooters and rifles, but it's all cowboy themed and everyone knows cowboys are fags.