as promised...

I keep saying I'm going to write about stuff, then I get caught up in other stuff and write about it and forget about the first other stuff I said I was going to write about. But not this time! No!
Here is a slightly edited version of what I wrote when semi-drunk, sleep deprived and hopped up on caffeine and wicked bad open night comedy. Let's go on a magical journey of discovery together, because I don't have a clue what I wrote.
Come on!
If I break from what I wrote that night, what's on the page, and am talking directly to you, I will ().

I've been enjoying the show Are You Smater Than a Fifth Grader? I really like listening to the thought process of the contestants.

The question is, what is a trapezoid?

Contestant: Well, I know a trapeze is where you swing on some ropes in the circus, and the Zoid was the stop motion animation character from the Domino's Pizza commercials in the 80's... So I will say a trapezoid is the spongy tip on a stalk of asparagus.

Then Jeff Foxworthy will make some kind of school-related joke to tell them they don't know what the hell they are talking about.

JF: You must have been absent the day they served the BRAIN flavored milk and, uh... SMART-late chip cookies.

He is rapidly running out of elementary school themed jokes. He's moving toward...

JF: Well, you're just a friggin' DUMBASS, aren't you? Whoooo!!

The contestants appear to be shot full of lithium before coming on, because Jeff just can't offend them at all. They are way easy going with the jokes.

Contestant: Ha, ha, ha! Oh you are SO right! I'm am just not that smart at all! Ha, ha! There are so many things I don't know! Hee! Giggle-y giggle!

I think the show was devised to weed out the smarter members of our population. They have a formula somewhere. If you make X number of dollars or are offended when Jeff Foxworthy calls you an idiot, you are quarantined and euthanized to keep the masses as stupid as possible.
I believe that. That's as political as I get. I give credence to half-assed shadow government theories, because I'm not smart enough to understand what's really going on.
I thought the X-Files was a documentary.

I know really smart people who can talk about the war and the environment and the cost of condominiums and... stock market-y stuff. They'll be having a deep discussion about monetary neutrality or what Alan Greenspan should do next and I'll be nodding and thinking, "Why was I never any good at Pacman? I was always good at other video games but that darned Blinky was relentless. Wasn't there a Pacman cartoon? Yes there was. They gave him this weird, creepy, scratchy voice that was just not at all how I pictured Pacman talking. He would be going, Grr! Arggh! Grr! Hurmph! Ha, ha! Pacman didn't sound like that! That's just silly! I like planes!"

(Whooo. Apparently here I decide to keep going with the internal thought process bit, even though, with a clearer mind, I can see how it should end there, if ever start in the first place. Remember, I am presenting all this as a glimpse into a semi-addled head, not really as good, quality comedy. Deal or move on. You're not paying for this, you know.)

"Did someone mention Alan Greenspan a minute ago? Greenspan sounds like Greenjeans. Remember Mr. Greenjeans on Captain Kangaroo? He was a shady character. I wonder if he started wearing green jeans because it was his name, or if people started calling him Mr. Greenjeans because of his fashion choices. Maybe he was poor and could only afford one pair of jeans and the cheapest ones were green. People are cruel.
What if people start calling me Mr. Blackshirts?
I would be like, "Hey! Go jump in a lake, fatso!"
Now why did I say fatso? Am I intolerant of fat people? I'm a horrible person.
My butt itches.
Does that mean I have money coming?
I wish someone would offer me a cookie."

(So now I am presented with a difficulty. The next bit is vulgar. Like purposefully over-the-top vulgar. I very much want to keep the vulgarity to a minimum here in Swarveyland, but, in the spirit of full-disclosure I seem to want to live my life by, I very much want to share the silly-ness of what I wrote than night.
We break here while I decide what to do next.)