I wanted to write about AT&T...

As I was collecting my thoughts for a post about AT&T, which is a pain in the butt to type, my mind made a connection about the size of AT&T (bleagh) and my high school. When I eventually write about AT&T (GOD!) you will see the connection.
I think every blog should incorporate some level of foreshadowing.
My high school was huge. It contained students from Fall River, Swansea and parts of New Bedford, and Somerset and Attleboro and Houston... The truth is I can't remember where all the students came from, but man there was a lot of them. I can remember periods of time when I didn't see the same people in the hallways twice in a week.
My classes were massive and people turned into faceless, nameless unrememberables.
I sometimes wonder how much of that was my own fault. Maybe I just wasn't as well liked as I thought. Maybe I was the ultimate unremeberable.
In any case, I signed on to Classmates.com to check my memory. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was.
Well, it was as bad as I thought it was. 95% of the people who are on the site and who claim to have been at my school when I was at my school? Their names don't ring the tiniest bell.
Forgive me for this. There was something insane like 1100 people in my graduating class.
I remember sitting in an ocean of graduates, feeling small and mostly meaningless. Due to the enormity of the class, each person was only allowed to have two people come to the ceremony, so I bet a lot of students were feeling the same way. Way far away, where you can't even see them, only four eyes are recording this moment.
Classmates.com. I saw some names that were meaningful to me. Some more so than others. I want to tell you the story of one interaction I had with someone from my past.
Her name popped up and my face flushed immediately. I know you are thinking this was an old flame of mine, or someone I had a secret crush on. Neither of these are precisely true.
I happened upon her profile and checked it out. I didn't realize at the time that damned Classmates.com immediately tells a person if you look at their profile. Like some bratty little sister or something. Swarvey was looking at you! Swarvey was looking at you!
She noticed that I was on her profile and sent me this: (Note. The names have been changed to protect, well, everybody.)

Hi Swarvey,

Not sure who you are exactly but you signed my classmates profile on a day that is very very meaningful to me....How do you know me?

Wanda


I sent this in return:

Wanda,

I do not realize the significance of the day for you. I guess that is just coincidence.

I believe we went to (name of a middle school) together.
If you are who I think you are, you played a significant role in my understanding who I was as a person.

Did you go to (name of a middle school)?

Swarvey



Her response:

Wow....yes in deed I did attend (name of a middle school) for 7th and 8th grade. My gosh that seem like soooooo long ago.
You stated in your email "If you are who I think you are, you played a significant role in my understanding who I was as a person." Can you be more specific on how I did this?
But before you tell me....I hope that it was a positive expeirence in life for you and not negative. If your wondering if I have changed...lol...not for one minute. Be who you are in life as long as it makes you happy because nobody and I mean nobody can tell you that your doing it wrong....they may be the ones that are actually living wrong....lol.

You have my mind wondering back to those days....lol...Thank you...I really did need that.

As for the signifigance of the day you emailed me. When I was 18 I was engaged to be married to (a guy's name)....he died that year in 1986 and that day you contacted me...it was his birthday....March 26th. I just thought it was ironic.

Well I want to keep this short because I can't wait to recieve your reply email. Please dont keep me waiting too long....although...I always preach that patience is a virtue and good things come to those that wait.....

Please note....I do have a sister named err... Lithuania? that is 18 months younger than me and attened (name of a middle school) as well....maybe you are thinking of her?

Wanda


Okay? Gaaahhh. So I send...


It's pretty embarassing...

I was an awkward kid at that age. I did well in school. I got really good grades and my teachers loved me. Most of them anyway.
Did you have Mr. Raznard? Creepy guy with weird glasses and the worst dry sweat stains I've ever seen on a shirt?
How about Mr. Cloodgy? He ripped my 3D glasses in half. Jerk. He also told me my Dad swept the floor of the Post Office, when my Dad probably made twice what he did.
I believe they were both at (name of a middle school), but I moved halfway through middle school and finished at (name of another middle school) before going to Durfee (there were so many people in my high school, I really don't care about protecting them).
In any case, I fell in with a bunch of guys, mostly because they were the only ones who would hang out with me.
I guess they were my friends, but I can't remember most of their names, which is sad. Johnny Silvainia, I think was one. He was okay. Kind of an outsider himself. I think all of us were.
So, they had a passtime in the 7th grade. They would grab girls. Either their butts or worse. I didn't want to do it. Didn't seem right. (Jesus. DUH!!)
I think this was the only time in my life that peer pressure had any effect on me. If I wanted to stay part of the group, I had to do it, too.
I was against it, but didn't feel like being alone again. So I did it.
I believe it was you, who I did it too.
I grabbed your ass and... well, I fainted. I probably could not have been more of a geek than I was.
I have felt awful about it ever since and, while I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember, I am sorry that I did it.
So you helped me figure out who I was, because I knew I didn't want to treat girls/women that way, and that I wasn't going to bend to pressure from my "friends" again. I've been my own person, and true to myself, ever since.
But I'd love to be able to go back and not do that.


So. She never responds, which I guess makes sense. I probably would not respond either, especially after the significant day, guy she was going to marry dying on his birthday stuff. Perhaps I could have held off and not been so selfish as to feel it was okay to clear my conscience at that time. Put that in the Big Book of Things I Could Have Done Better.

Further. I remembered a few days later that I had the wrong girl, anyway.