stand up comedy...

In my last post I made reference to open mic night stand up comedy. This reminded me about going to see an open mic competition at Catch A Rising Star in the fabulous Twin River casino of fabulous Lincoln, Rhode Island.
Being who I am, vaguely egotistical and neurotic at the same time, I was kept awake until early in the morning after the show.
This was for two reasons. One, I'm half a nut and my mind decided to go off on a tangent of all the much funnier things I could have been saying if I had been in the competition. I'll get to those thoughts in a minute, because they're what I'm writing about.
The other reason why I was up until very early in the morning is... I am a tea-totaler about 95% of the time.
Me and the friends who had gone with me to the competition were some of the only banter-backs the MC of the evening had. He was appreciative of this and bought us all a round of drinks. I had been drinking Diet Coke all night. He seemed put off by buying someone a Diet Coke, and he was a good dude, so I made a rare exception and went with my standard rare exception drink.
A shot of Goldschlager!
I don't drink, but I enjoy an occasional Goldschlager. Duality. Or maybe it's irony?
The MC was very excited by this prospect and ordered me my drink and my friends whatever they wanted. When the Goldschlager showed up, it was in a tumbler. Like a super-shot or something. I don't know, there's probably a word for it.
I say to the MC, "What the hell is this? I could wash my dog in this." I didn't really say that. I said something, but I don't know what. It was probably some wise-assed comment and that one can stand in.
Then the MC said something about my lack of masculinity or some MC-y thing.
As I am not one to be goaded into doing what I don't really feel like doing, I drank the whole thing in a gulp. It made perfect sense at the time.
I got very drunk (I am a light-weight. I know this.) and I'm not used to it. I felt like my eyes were spinning around in circles in their sockets and the world was all tilty in the opposite way I expected it to tilt and I generally could not put a thought in the right order to leave my mouth hole.
Being drunk is such a wonderful feeling. I can totally see how people get addicted to it.
Generally, I get real drunk, real fast, then because my liver has had so little to do in its life, I sober up, again, real fast. The process takes about 15 mintues. I go from totally sober, to totally drunk, to totally sober, in 15 minutes.
That's what I'm used to, but I usually have normal sized shots, not half-bottle shots.
Fifteen minutes went by and I was feeling no better. I was a little panicked. A friend of mine offered to buy me a coffee to help me out. He went into Starbuck's and came out with a barrel full of coffee.
Apparently it was Buy Swarvey Too Much To Drink night. I didn't know.
As I was drunk, and not real, real smart to start with, I drank the whole thing much faster than is reasonable.
I kinda remember having a conversation with a woman who had been on stage during the competition. She asked for feedback on her performance and me and my friends gave her some. I think I did most of the talking and I guess I sounded like I knew what the hell I was talking about, because she seemed honestly impressed and thankful. Also, I was drunk, so I may not be remembering clearly.
I kept drinking the too hot coffee, too fast. It eventually killed the alcohol.
As this was at about 11pm, it killed any chances of me getting to sleep real quick as well.

Hopped up on caffeine and bad comedy, I wrote... um, let me count... HAHA! I wrote five legal sized pages of stuff. Top to bottom, margin to margin.
I don't remember what I wrote. I didn't remember that I had written it at all until I got home tonight and was making the pic for the Infant of Prague post.

I guess we can look at what I wrote together, but not tonight. I'm being too wordy.