bumper stickers...

I've often said, "Never believe in anything strongly enough to want to purchase a bumper sticker proclaiming that belief."
If you have something you believe in a lot, good for you. It's good to have beliefs. But keep them to yourself. You don't need to go trumpeting them out to the world. At worst, you are going to piss someone off who doesn't believe what you believe. At best, you are boring.
I guess there is the off chance that someone with the same bumper sticker will drive up along side you on the highway and give you the high sign or the old thumbs up with cheery grin of camaraderie. I guess that would actually be the best you could hope for, but I bet it would weird you out.
An example of the worst was someone who decided to take the bumper sticker concept to a ridiculous extreme and was hauling around a trailer-sized cube of pictures of aborted fetuses behind their mini van. I assume they were not pro-abortion.
I myself don't have a strong opinion either way on abortion. If I am in a relationship where there is the possibility of an abortion happening, I would like to be involved in the decision. Beyond that...?
But, giant cubes of death pictures on the highway make me mad. It's offensive and unnecessary. I wanted to pull the person driving the mini-van out and beat them with a vacuum cleaner, just for an ironic touch.
If I had done so, I would have been labeled as a fanatical anti-pro-lifer and the point just would have been totally missed which would have pissed me off even more and I would have to find other somewhat ironic items to beat other people with. The process would become an intense time/energy drain, so I compromised by making angry faces at the idiot as I drove past them. They were duly chastised, let me tell you.
I am on this bumper sticker kick because I saw one that I just don't understand. It can't possibly be something this dope believes in, but it's not clever enough where someone says, "Oh man. I gotta share this with the world." I mean, I don't THINK so.
It said:

WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO?

I mean, I get it. Scooby Doo. Right. I got that. And I know jokes so I know that's the joke. But how does this warrant a space on your limited back-bumper real estate? Is it the kind of thing you really want people to know you find humorous enough to share all over the road? I guess, if you think it is, you really don't know any better so why am I asking?
The only possibility for redemption for this waste of 1/16th of an inch of vinyl is if a small child gave it to the driver and begged them to put in on their car. Small children can get you to do a lot of things you don't want to do.
This morning, Hayley was listening to a new song by Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus on Radio Disney. It's called, "Ready, Set, Don't Go". It pisses me off because if Hayley wasn't in the car I never would have heard it or if I did I wouldn't have given it a moments thought, but now I have and it makes me cry.
For God's sake what's wrong with me?
If you have a daughter, who doesn't live with you all the time, I dare you to listen to this song while you are on your way to dropping her off for the week and NOT cry. Go ahead. Give it a shot. Bastards. Shut up all of you.

DIGRESSION ENDS NOW

There is only one bumper sticker I would buy, and I haven't seen it yet, though it could be easily made. I might tote a swarveyland.com bumper sticker around, sure, but I mean beyond that.
It would be WWSKD?
What Would Stephen King Do?

Why? Because not only is he my favorite writer (So much so that I've forgiven him for the catastrophe ending to The Gunslinger Series.), but he is also infinitely bad-ass.
He earned his infinite bad-assity when he was struck by a mini-van in 1999, flew 14 feet into a ditch and did not die. Later that year, he had the mini-van purchased for 1500 dollars with the intention of beating the thing to death with a sledgehammer. He wasn't well enough to do the sledgehammer thing, but he did have the vehicle crushed at a junkyard, which is almost as good.
I love this. Screw you, inanimate object outweighing me by thousands of pounds. You will not kill me, but I, I will crush you into a small cube and server hot dogs off you.
I made up that part about the hot dogs, but wouldn't THAT be cool?

Take a close look at my car and you will find, there is no WWSKD? bumper sticker on it.