Thursday, February 14, 2008

i am a mess...

The inside of the building where I live is being painted. As I've mentioned before, it's a huge mill building, so there is a lot of inside to be painted.
The job is being handled by two fellows who are working their butts off. As they have a fairly tight timeline to complete, they were working last Saturday.
Every Saturday morning, more or less, I go to the Dunkin' Donuts to get coffee for me and tea for Jenn. How often they mess up my seemingly simple order is a wonder, but that's not what I am talking about.
The Saturday the two fellows were busy painting, I walk by them on my way out to Dunkin' Donuts. They say, "Hi." and I say, "Hi." and tell them how good all the painting is coming out. They give me a genuine thank you. The whole exchange is pleasant and personable and because I am just barely human sometimes, it makes me all uncomfortable and confused.
Why?
Because now I've engaged these guys on a human level. I have acknowledged them and them I. And I'm going to come back through the hallway they are in carrying stuff from Dunkin' Donuts.
I can't do that. I have to get them something.
So, I get them a couple of coffees with cream and sugar and stuff on the side so they can build their coffees the way they like them, and a dozen assorted donuts.
As I am leaving the Dunkin' Donuts, I have exactly seven seconds of feeling good about myself as I am getting in the car.
Then I start thinking much more deeply then is needed about the possible underlying meaning or the possible perceived underlying meaning of my purchase.
What? Because they are two kinda fat guys doing manual labor on Saturday, they must like donuts?
If they do like donuts, they couldn't get them for themselves? I'm higher up the socioeconomic ladder, so I hand down donuts from above?
Are they gluttons? Do they really need six donuts a piece?
They're just part of the masses who aren't smart enough to care about their physical health, right?

Gah.

So on my way in, I drop off the donuts and coffee where they will find them, but without them seeing me do it. Because I am a giant ass.

Later on, I hear them in the hallway and one of the guys says to the other guy, "Hey, look! DONUTS!!"

So, the only thing I really know, is that I really don't know much of anything at all.

2 comments:

leej said...

This is why you are a feeler. I would not have bought the donuts or coffee as I think they understand that other people buy stuff all the time and don't buy them anything. I would have felt no need to do so.

Or I am a giant ass....No Eric you do not need to comment.

rfox said...

Hmmmm...you do more ponder things more than necessary sometimes.

I think it was a nice gesture to get them a snack, but seriously, a dozen donuts??? That's a bit much.