a confession... again...

I have another uncomfortable confession to make.
It's taken me some time to come to an actual front-of-the-brain conscious understanding of my situation. Now that I have seen the truth, I cannot un-see it.
I am in an abusive relationship.
The situation has been present for quite some time. Almost since we were introduced. I've been hurt and confused again and again. I've been let down and disappointed, but always with the promise that this will be the last time.
Again and again, I've been told things would get better. And I keep believing. I want to believe. I need to believe because I am committed and cannot accept that I might have been wrong to get involved in the first place.
People I know tell me repeatedly that I should walk away, that the energy I am injecting is not showing a dividend. And, because I guess I am sick, I argue with them. I defend.
"You don't understand."
"You're not on the inside so you can't see!"
"It's getting better!"
And I tell them of the promises that have been made. And they throw in my face the reality that none of those promises have been kept.
It hurts.
Mostly it hurts because, though I suspect they are right in that I should turn my back and walk away and maybe invest in another relationship where I will be supported and made happy, I can't do it.
I'm not strong enough.
I keep thinking, this time, this time, this time it will be better.

God.
Damn.
You.
LOST.